Thursday, January 8, 2009

Antiques Maul by Barbara Allan



When I started writing, another author with good intentions told me that parentheses should rarely be used "as in never". But Barbara Allan makes frequent and liberal use of them in her funny story Antiques Maul with hilarious results. I liked the novel as a comedy but not as a mystery.


Barbara Allan is the pseudonym of writing duo Barbara Collins and Max Allan Collins. Their sleuth (or main character, to be more exact) is Brandy Borne (oops! There I go. Using parentheses.) She and her overly dramatic mother decide to set up a booth at the local antique mall. Brandy's mother Vivian is sorely put out after being passed over for the position of director of the local theatre group.

Adding insult to injury, her best friend (albeit now former best friend) got the position. The antique booth is Brandy's way of keeping Vivian occupied. However, when the owner of the mall is brutally murdered, there's no stopping Mother.

The police think that the mall owner was attacked by her dog, Brad Pit Bull, but Vivian is not convinced. Everyone writes her off as a nutcase.

The story drags on. Brandy's ten year-old son Jake comes to visit during a school break. She manages to get the moody pre-teen to help them with their antique booth. She tussles with her (much older) big sister's best friend. Mom snoops between gossip sessions with her girlfriends and just carrying on like a big diva.

Antiques Maul focuses mainly on Brandy, Vivian and Jake through their adventures, buying merchandise, setting up shop and interacting with the locals in Serenity, where everybody knows everybody else's business. The mystery barely rates as a subplot.

There are only hints to a mystery for more than two thirds of the book as Vivian insists to anyone who will pretend to listen that Brad Pit Bull did not kill his owner.

When Jake disappears from a haunted house attraction, Brandy, close to hysterics, calls her ex-husband in from Chicago for help. Only after the kidnapper and accomplice are unmasked is the entire mystery (for real, now) laid out for the reader. Everything is played out in retrospect much like the Hardy Boys or Scooby-Doo. Where there was no mystery, now there is.

If you love a comedy, this book is for you. If you love a great whodunit, this isn't.

By the way, loafers aren't a giveaway anymore, guys.

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